


Blocked

by Cringeiip



Series: Blocked Universe [1]
Category: Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, College, Explicit Language, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Office, Texting, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 11,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23472982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cringeiip/pseuds/Cringeiip
Summary: [10:55] Menelaus: Whyd you put us all in here[10:56] Golden boi: bonding[10:59] Odysseus: You literally hate all of us_______Just a really stupid texting au to lighten up this fandom and keep me entertained
Relationships: Achilles/Patroclus (Song of Achilles), Achilles/Patroclus of Opus (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Agamemnon/Clytemnestra (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Circe/Odysseus (Circe), Helen of Troy/Menelaus (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Odysseus/Penelope
Series: Blocked Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751368
Comments: 38
Kudos: 411





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is really stupid but I hope y'all like it. After this chapter I'll start putting the usernames in the notes at the beginning.  
> If you have any good user name ideas or fun headcannons put em in the comments.  
> This will follow multiple group chats but they all have their own names so enjoy.  
> Also in this au Achilles, Odysseus and all those fucks are co-workers so the age gaps are still in place cause I want iphigenia damn it  
> ________  
> Achilles > Golden boi  
> Patroclus > daddy issues  
> Briseis > the original thot

**The Official™ Group chat**

**Achilles** changed their name to **Golden boi**

**Golden boi** added **Agamemnon, Menelaus, Odysseus,** and **Diomedes**

**[10:55] Menelaus:** Whyd you put us all in here

**[10:56] Golden boi:** bonding

**[10:59] Odysseus:** You literally hate all of us

**Golden boi** changed **Odysseus'** name to **Whiny Bitch**

**[11:01] Whiny Bitch:** Excuse me

**[11:02] Golden boi** **:** boss man said it was a good idea

**[11:05] Agamemnon:** No, I didn't

**Golden boi** changed **Agamemnon's** name to **Boomer**

**[11:07] Boomer:** You're fired

**[11:10] Golden boi:** you fucking wish

**bad bitches only club**

**[11:08] Golden boi:** i work with a bunch of bitches i stfg 

**[11:09] the original thot:** shit I mean i do too but im not gonna complain about it

**[11:10] daddy issues:** Okay I can deal with the all lowercase typing but can you two please use proper grammar I'm gonna have a stroke

**[11:11] the original thot:** arent you in class pat

**[11:11] the original thot:** naughty naughty

**[11:12] daddy issues:** Don't yell at me when you're in class too

**[11:13] Golden boi:** im not in class

**daddy issues** changed **the original thot's** name to **momfriend**

**[11:15] momfriend:** unfair but accurate

**[11:16] momfriend:** maybe youd be in class if you hadnt decided to major in a stupid fucking field

**[11:17] Golden boi:** :0 rude music is not stupid

**[11:17] Golden boi:** and i did have a class this morning i just slept through it

**[11:19] daddy issues:** omfg


	2. [09:08] Golden Boi: BUT ITS TOO PRETTY NOT TO USE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch dates, thiefs, and sports teams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Achilles> Golden boi  
> Patroclus> daddy issues  
> Briseis> momfriend
> 
> Odysseus> Whiny bitch  
> Agamemnon> Boomer

**bad bitches only club**

**[09:00] daddy issues:** Wake up

 **[09:01] daddy issues:** Wake up

 **[09:02] daddy issues:** Wake up

 **[09:03] momfriend:** please pat its a saturday

 **[09:04] daddy issues:** Bri please I'm bored and you two sleep in until noon 

**[09:05] Golden boi:** unfair but accurate

 **[09:05] Golden boi:** i dont have work today so im down for anything

 **[09:06] momfriend:** in the bad bitch briseis rule book it says I can only get out of bed at 1 on weekends

 **[09:06] momfriend:** so that also means im going back to sleep

 **[09:06] momfriend:** (:

 **[09:07] Golden boi:** PATROCLUS PATROCLUS YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

 **[09:08] daddy issues:** Okay first of all

 **[09:08] daddy issues:** you don't have to type out my entire name

 **[09:08] Golden boi:** BUT ITS TOO PRETTY NOT TO USE

 **[09:09] daddy issues:** aww 

**[09:10] Golden boi:** LETS HAVE A LUNCH DATE LETS HAVE A LUNCH DATE 

**[09:11] daddy issues:** AWW 

**[09:12] Golden boi:** WE CAN GET FIGS AND MAKE OUT IN MY CAR

 **[09:13] daddy issues** : I was hoping more for maybe a cute little picnic in the park then we go back to one of our dorms and then we can make out but that works too ig 

**[09:14] Golden boi** **:** NO I LIKE YOUR IDEA BETTER 

**[09:14] Golden boi:** WE CAN GO TO MY DORM AFTER AUTOMEDON HAS WORK

 **[09:15] daddy issues:** Works for me, see you soon x

 **[09:17] Golden boi:** OMFF YOURE SO CUTE XX

**[09:30]** **momfriend:** whipped

**The Official™ Group chat**

**[10:15] Menelaus:** Who took my fucking chair

 **[10:17] Boomer:** What does that even mean

 **[10:19] Menelaus:** It means that someone took my fucking chair 

**[10:20]** **Menelaus:** The one that was at my desk that I sit in literally everyday

 **[10:21] Whiny Bitch:** Wasn't me

 **[10:21] Boomer:** It was probably Achilles

 **[10:23] Golden boi:** im not even working today wtf

 **[10:25] Boomer:** Doesn't mean it wasn't you

 **[10:26] Golden boi:** excuse me i didnt do shit

 **[10:28] Diomedes:** Sorry that was me

 **[10:30] Menelaus:** Why did you take my chair

 **[10:30] Diomedes:** I couldn't reach the vent in the bathroom and you're the only one who doesn't have a swivel chair

 **Whiny Bitch** changed **Diomedes'** name to **Swiper**

 **[10:33] Swiper:** Does this mean I'm cool now?

 **Whiny Bitch** changed their name to **at least I tried**

 **[10:34] Boomer:** Did Achilles teach you how to do that?

 **[10:35] at least I tried:** no I figured it out myself cause I'm not a dumbass

 **[10:36] Boomer:** How'd you do it 

**[10:37] at least I tried:** figure it out

 **[10:40] Boomer:** I could fire all of you if I wanted

 **[10:41] Golden boi:** you cant just threaten us with unemployment Everytime we do something you dislike

**Achilles Pelides > Patroclus Chironides**

**[10:50] Achilles:** patroclus 

**[10:50] Achilles:** babe

 **[10:51] Achilles:** i stg im gonna kill my fucking boss

 **[10:53] Patroclus:** What happened this time and why couldn't it wait for our date later

 **[10:54] Achilles:** it's a good cause I swear 

**[10:54] Achilles:** he accused me of stealing my other bosses chair

 **[10:55] Patroclus:** That's shitty love I'm sorry

 **[10:55] Achilles:** STOP BEING CUTE IM UPSET 

**[10:56] Achilles:** i just hate this job and ik im not gonna have it forever but i just wish i could make it more bearable

 **[10:57] Patroclus:** There has to be something you all have in common

 **[10:58] Achilles:** im not sure patroclus

 **[10:59] Patroclus:** When you first started working there you told me that most of the guys liked sports, you like sports, bond over sports

 **[11:00] Achilles:**...you are a genius

 **[11:00] Patroclus:** wtf no I'm not

**The Official™ Group chat**

**[11:03] Golden boi:** lets have a company sports team

_**Menelaus, Boomer** _ _and **two others** are typing..._


	3. [12:17] momfriend: love that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one can agree on anything but what else is new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names
> 
> Achilles > Golden boi  
> Patroclus > daddy issues  
> Briseis > momfriend
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Diomedes > Swiper

**The Official™ Group chat**

**[11:43] Menelaus:** golf

 **[11:43] Swiper:** wtf no

 **[11:44] Menelaus:** why not? I actually like golf

 **[11:45] at least i tried:** and that's why we shouldn't play it.

 **[11:46] Golden boi:** rugby

 **[11:47] at least i tried:** can't, Penelope thinks that's too physical

 **[11:48] Golden boi:** whipped 

**[11:49] Swiper:** Haha !

 **[11:49] Menelaus:** I think I'm starting to like you Achilles

 **[11:49] Boomer:** R.I.P

 **[11:50] Golden boi:** didnt expect that from a boomer like you

 **[11:51] Boomer:** You do realize that I'm a millennial right? The only person in this chat who isn't a millennial is you

 **[11:52] Golden boi:** your username says otherwise

 **at least I tried** changed the **Golden boi's n** ame to **baby boi**

 **[11:54] baby boi:** im baby 

**[11:54] baby boi:** (° ^ ° )

 **[11:55] Menelaus:** I feel left out! I want a fun name!

 **baby boi** changed **Menelaus'** name to **trophy wife**

 **[11:56] trophy wife:** nevermind

 **[11:57] Boomer:** Thats how Helen feels

 **[11:58] trophy wife:** I will not hesitate to kick your ass

 **[11:59] at least i tried:** back to the original conversation, I think we should play football

 **[12:00] baby boi:** american or European

 **[12:00] at least i tried:** yes

 **[12:01] trophy wife:** i prefer the European kind

 **[12:01] Boomer:** I'm fine with that

 **[12:02] Swiper:** It's decided then !

 **[12:03]** **baby boi:** why do you put a space between the exclamation point wtf

 **Swiper** changer the chat name to **Sports Team**

**bad bitches only club**

**[12:05] baby boi:** i am now on a sports team

 **[12:05] baby boi:** again

 **[12:06] momfriend:** your coworkers do know that youre like ridiculously good at everything you do

 **[12:06] momfriend:** especially sports

 **[12:07]** **daddy issues:** Like Olympics-level good

 **[12:08] baby boi:** lies

 **[12:09] daddy issues:** Achilles you got first place in every sporting event at our school

 **[12:10] daddy issues:** If you hadn't told your mom to fuck off you'd be on your way to the Olympics

 **[12:10] baby boi:** i did not tell my mom to fuck off

 **[12:11] baby boi:** i told her i wanted to live with my dad again

 **[12:11] baby boi:** (:

 **[12:12] daddy issues:** i love your dad omg

 **[12:13] momfriend:** omg im mom, your dad, achilles is baby

 **[12:14] baby boi:** i dont like you and patroclus being the mom and dad

 **[12:15] momfriend:** too bad

 **[12:16] daddy issues:** oof sorry love

 **[12:16] baby boi:** YOU CANT JUST BE ALL CUTE AND THEN SIDE WITH HER

 **[12:17] daddy issues:** aww you think I'm cute 

**[12:17] momfriend:** love that


	4. [08:36] at least i tried: My wife can kick your ass Agamemnon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team is finally coming together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Achilles > baby boi  
> Patroclus > daddy issues  
> Briseis > momfriend
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Swiper  
> Agamemnon > trophy wife  
> Menelaus > Boomer
> 
> This is a pretty long chapter btw

**Sports Team**

**[08:15] at least i tried:** Wake up fuckers we have things to discuss

 **[08:16] Boomer:** Shouldn't you be working?

 **[08:16] at least i tried:** stfu

 **[08:17] trophy wife:** What do we need to discuss?

 **[08:17] at least i tried:** uhh... Idk

 **[08:18] at least i tried:** Maybe who's actually gonna be on the team

 **[08:19] Swiper:** And what kinda stuff we'll need

 **[08:20] at least i tried:** And who we'll actually be going up against

 **[08:21] Swiper:** And who's gonna be bringing snacks

 **[08:22] trophy wife:** Well how many people need to be on a team

 **[08:23] baby boi:** for soccer you need at least seven but its best to have eleven

 **[08:24] trophy wife:** Ok well there are five of us in this group chat

 **[08:25] Swiper:** I talked to Ajax and he said he wanted to be in on this

 **[08:25] Boomer:** Which Ajax?

 **[08:26] Swiper:** Both !

 **[08:26] Swiper:** (: 

**[08:27] trophy wife:** So that's seven

 **[08:28] at least i tried:** Nestor?

 **[08:29] trophy wife:** Odysseus, Nestor actually is a boomer, I doubt that he'd want to play

 **[08:30] at least i tried:** Well it's not like we have a lot of people left to choose from

 **[08:31] at least i tried:** Most of the remaining people in the office either don't care or literally can't play so unless you want to get people from outside the office, this is our team

 **[08:32] trophy wife:** And who would we get from outside the office? Your wife

 **[08:33] at least i tried:** That's actually not a bad idea

 **[08:34] trophy wife:** Wait, you actually think Penelope would want to play soccer with a bunch of her husband's friends?

 **[08:35] at least i tried:** Hell yeah she would

 **[08:35] at least i tried:** She uses to play in highschool and it would give her a chance to get away from the baby

 **[08:36] Boomer:** But will she be able to keep up?

 **[08:36] at least i tried:** My wife can kick your ass Agamemnon

 **[08:37] trophy wife:** So that's eight

 **[08:38] Boomer:** If Odysseus is bringing his wife then can I bring Iphigenia? 

**[08:39] trophy wife:** Are you sure she'd want to join?

 **[08:39] Boomer:** I don't know, Clytemnestra said I need to bond with her more though so

 **[08:40] at least i tried:** Yea bring her, maybe we can pass the bechdel test

 **[08:41] trophy wife:** We have nine

 **[08:42] baby boi:** that should be good

 **[08:42] baby boi:** my boyfriend is in school to be a nurse

 **[08:43] baby boi:** he can be our medic and a sub if we need him

 **[08:44] trophy wife:** Boyfriend?

 **[08:44] Boomer:** Boyfriend?

 **[08:45] at least i tried:** You two didn't know?

 **[08:45] Swiper:** I thought everyone knew

 **[08:46] trophy wife:** Oh really? How'd you figure it out Mr big brain?

 **[08:47] at least i tried:** Cause I asked him dipshit

 **[08:48] Swiper:** He talks about him every chance he gets

 **[08:49] baby boi:** shut up its not my fault im dating a cute boy

 **[08:50] at least i tried:** Okay, that brings us to our next topic

 **[08:50] at least i tried:** What are we gonna need?

 **[08:51] baby boi:** a field to practice on

 **[08:51] trophy wife:** a ball

 **[08:51] Swiper:** Matching t-shirts

 **[08:52] at least i tried:** The ball and t-shirts are easy, the field is a bit tricky

 **[08:53] trophy wife:** Me an Helen have a really big back yard

 **[08:53] trophy wife:** Its not a proper field but it should work

 **[08:54] at least i tried:** Good. Now, who would we be going up against?

 **[08:54] Boomer:** There are a lot of other companies around with there own teams for fundraising purposes

 **[08:55] Swiper:** Okay, good, who's on snack duty?

 **[08:55] trophy wife:** I'm sure I can convince Helen to be on snack duty

 **[08:56] at least i tried:** Looks like we gotta a team boys 

**bad bitches only club**

**[09:00] baby boi:** PATROCLUS BABE I SIGNED YOU UP FOR SOMETHING WITHOUT ASKING AGAIN IM SORRT

 **[09:01] daddy issues:** what did you sign me up for Achilles

 **[09:02] baby boi:** TO BE A MEDIC/SUB FOR MY NEW SOCCER TEAM

 **[09:03] daddy issues:** Is that it?

 **[09:03] daddy issues:** Love, you know I would have said yes if you asked me

 **[09:03] daddy issues:** You had me worried for a second

 **[09:04] baby boi:** I LOVE YOU

 **[09:04] daddy issues:** Love you too

**[11:23] momfriend:** i call being team cheerleader


	5. [14:02] momfriend: listen here fuckers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team gets to know each other and Briseis feels left out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Achilles > baby boi  
> Patroclus > daddy issues  
> Briseis > momfriend
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Swiper  
> Menelaus > trophy wife  
> Agamemnon > Boomer

**Sports Team**

**at least i tried** added **Ajax, Ajax, Iphigenia,** and **2 others** to the chat

 **Ajax** changed their name to **Big A**

 **Ajax** changed their name to **Lil' A**

 _**Penelope** _ _attached (1) image_

 **[13:32] Penelope** Hi everyone!

 **[13:33] Helen:** Is that Telemachus? 

**[13:33] Helen:** He's getting so big! 

**[13:34] Helen:** How old is he now?

 **[13:35] Penelope:** Almost a year! 

**[13:36] Helen:** I remember when my Hermione was that small! She's almost six now!

 **[13:37] Penelope:** Wow! I can't even imagine Telemachus when he's that big! 

**baby boi** added **daddy issues**

 **[13:38] baby boi:** hate to interrupt but everyone say hi to patroclus

 **[13:39] trophy wife:** ooo, is that your boyfriend

 **[13:40] daddy issues:** Sadly, yes

 **[13:41] baby boi:** PATROCLUS

 **[13:41] baby boi:** ):

 **[13:42] Boomer:** Achilles I like your boyfriend more than you

 **[13:42] baby boi:** you like everyone more than me

 **[13:43] Boomer:** So? 

**[13:44] at least i tried:** So when are we meeting up for our first practice?

 **[13:45] Helen:** Either Saturday or Sunday works for me and Meni :)

 **[13:46] baby boi:** M E N I 

**[13:47] trophy wife:** Achilles I will fire you

 **[13:47] baby boi:** do it then

 **[13:48] daddy issues:** Achilles stop picking fights with your co-workers

 **[13:49] baby boi:** ):

 **[13:49] baby boi:** fine 

**[13:50] daddy issues:** Saturday works for us

 **[13:50] Lil' A:** Saturdays fine

 **[13:51] at least i tried:** Ok so we'll meet at Helen's on Saturday, any objections?

 **[13:52] trophy wife:** It's my house too

 **[13:53] at least i tried:** yeah but I like Helen more

 **[13:54] Helen:** Thank you, Odysseus :)

 **[13:55] at least i tried:** See

 **[13:55] at least i tried:** A literal ray of sunshine 

**[13:56] baby boi:** aight see you fuckers saturday

**bad bitches only club**

**[14:01] momfriend:** i have heard about the group chat and I am wounded

 **[14:01] momfriend:** so

 **[14:01] baby boi:** blocked

 **[14:02] momfriend:** listen here fuckers

 **[14:03] momfriend:** i want in on your group chat

 **[14:04] baby boi:** youre not even on the team

 **[14:05] momfriend:** so

 **[14:06] baby boi:** no team no group chat

 **[14:07] momfriend:** fuck you

 **[14:08] momfriend:** im gonna get my revenge

 **[14:09] momfriend:** so watch your fucking backs


	6. [15:53] momfriend: did achilles really get hit in the face with a soccer ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Achilles gets hurt during practice, Patroclus is tired of Briseis being petty, and Helen thinks Achilles deserves an apology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Achilles > baby boi  
> Patroclus > daddy issues  
> Briseis > momfriend
> 
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > trophy wife  
> Diomedes > Swiper  
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Ajax > Big A  
> Ajax > Lil' A  
> _________________  
> Meant to upload this chapter last night but I fell asleep, also have some notes at the end so you can read them but you don't have to

**bad bitches only club**

**[15:53] momfriend:** did achilles really get hit in the face with a soccer ball

 _**daddy issues**_ _attached (2) images_

 **[15:57] daddy issues:** Yes

 **[15:57] daddy issues:** And he broke his nose 

**[15:57] daddy issues:** So now we're both covered in blood and waiting for Machaon at the school.

 **[15:58] momfriend:** didnt know he could bleed that much

 **[15:58] momfriend:** why not go to chiron

 **[15:59] daddy issues:** That's like an hour-long drive

 **[16:00] momfriend:** oof forgot about that

 **[16:00] momfriend:** hows he doing

 **[16:01] daddy issues:** grumpy

 **[16:01] daddy issues:** He only got hit because he threw himself in front of me when he saw the ball flying towards my face

 **[16:02] daddy issues:** He keeps saying that he saved me and is now demanding that I repay him in kisses

 **[16:03] momfriend:** did you

 **[16:03] daddy issues:** no he's covered in blood Bri

 **[16:04] momfriend:** that has the same energy as "They're lesbians Harold."

 **[16:05] daddy issues:** Why do you only use proper grammar and capitalization when you're quoting memes?

 **[16:05] momfriend:** because they deserve it

 **[16:06] momfriend:** anyway remember when i said that i would get back at you for not letting me be in that group chat

 **[16:07] daddy issues:** Yeah

 **[16:07] momfriend:** and remember when you let me borrow your phone last night

 **[16:08] daddy issues:** Yeah

 **momfriend** changed **daddy issues'** name to **top**

 **momfriend** changed **baby boi's** name to **bottom**

 **[16:09] top:** Bri what the fuck

 **[16:10] top:** why can't I change my name

 **[16:10] top:** what did you do

 **[16:11] momfriend:** turned child mode on on both your phones and ill only give you the password if you let me join the group chat

 **[16:12] top:** bri

 **[16:12] top:** bri

 **[16:12] top:** why would you fucking do that to Achilles of all people

 **[16:13] top:** now he'll never put you in that chat

 **[16:14] momfriend:** no but you will

 **[16:15] top:** oh fuck off

 **momfriend** changed their name to **fu cough**

**Sports Team**

**[16:30] Helen:** Who's the one that hit Achilles

 **[16:30] Helen:** ):

 **[16:31]** **Penelope:** Menelaus

 **[16:31] at least i tried:** Meni Meni 

**[16:31] Lil' A:** I wasn't looking

 **[16:32] Helen:** :0

 **[16:32] Helen:** Menelaus!

 **[16:32] Helen:** Did you say sorry to that poor boy?

 **[16:33] trophy wife:**...No

 **[16:33] Helen:** And why not? 

**[16:34] trophy wife:** I thought it was just implied when I ran to help Patroclus get him up

 **[16:35] Helen:** That poor boy was bleeding so much, Hermione almost started crying! You should apologize to him!

 **[16:36] trophy wife:** Honestly Hel, I don't really think I need to. Achilles said he had played sports before. He knows people get hurt 

**[16:37] Helen:** That doesn't matter, Meni. Honestly Meni, I think you just don't want to have a one on one talk with him. How can you expect to be on a team without being able to talk to this boy?

 **[16:38] trophy wife:** Do we really have to have this conversation in this chat, you know, where Achilles can see it? 

**[16:39] Helen:** Menelaus

 **[16:39] Helen:** If you don't apologize to Achilles I'm making you sleep in the shed.

 **[16:39] Helen:** (:

 **[16:40] trophy wife:** You got it love <3

 **[16:41] Penelope:** whipped

 **[16:41] at least i tried:** whipped

 **Penelope** changed **Helen's** name to **Group Mom**

**Menelaus Atrides > Achilles Pelides **

**[16:50] Menelaus:** Sorry for kicking the ball in your face

 **[16:51] Menelaus:** It was an accident

**[17:30]** **Achilles:** its aight

**bad bitches only club**

**[17:31] bottom:** briseis

 **[17:31] bottom:** if you give me the password right now I will put you in the group chat

 **[17:32] fu cough:** i dont trust you

 **[17:32] top:** I'll do it

 **[17:33] fu cough:** ok i trust you

 **[17:34] fu cough:** the password is 1234

 **[17:35] top:** are you fucking kidding

 **bottom** changed their name to **best boi**

 **top** changed their name to **sad boi**

 **[17:36] sad boi:** Now we match

 **[17:37] best boi:** AWWW CUTE PATROCLUS XX

 **[17:38] fu cough:** yeah yeah pat pa cute now put me in the chat

 **[17:39] sad boi:** I'll think about it

 **[17:40] fu cough:** WTF PAT

 **[17:40] best boi:** HAHA BITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got the username idea from Ahajajrhsn who commented it on chapter 3 and I had to include it because I feel like modern briseis would definitely do this just to embarrass patroclus.  
> I'll probably be changing usernames and chat names fairly often so like woop put ideas in the comments please


	7. [11:56] Model Mother: I'm doing what's best for my son and if that just so happens to leave emotional trauma then I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pelides-Neried family drama because we're going through a pandemic rn and I said so
> 
> This chapter is pretty short compared to my last two, sorry.  
> Sorry if I made Thetis too much in this chap, I'll try and make her better as time goes on I promise
> 
> Also Chiron because I love him and I feel like he would definitely be a good father figure for Patroclus
> 
> Let me know if y'all want me to add Patroclus' dad being a dick and some of that drama cause MMM I love petty texting drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Dadinator
> 
> Chiron > Horse girl

**Happy Family Group chat**

**[11:33] best boi:** mom please i dont want you two coming to the games

 **[11:33] best boi:** i dont even know how you found out about the team

 **[11:34] Model Mother:** Achilles, you know how I feel when you text like that. It's rude and disrespectful.

 **[11:34] Model Mother:** And a Mother always has her ways.

 **[11:35] Dadinator:** Thetis, please.

 **[11:35] Dadinator:** What your Mother means to say is that we love you and just want to support you.

 **[11:36] best boi:** It's not like it's an actual team, or we'll have any actual games. It's just a bonding exercise

 **[11:37] Model Mother:** Doesn't matter, Achilles. You're my son and I want to watch you succeed. 

**[11:38] Dadinator:** What your mother means to say is that we just want to be there and support you

 **[11:39] Model Mother:** No, I meant what I said. Stop putting words in my mouth.

 **[11:40] Dadinator:** Then think about what you say.

 **[11:40] Model Mother:** I don't have to listen to you, you aren't my husband.

 **[11:41] best boi:** This isn't really a competitive thing, Mom. It's all for fun. To get to know my coworkers. For bonding, like I said.

 **[11:42] Model Mother:** You threw away everything I have planned for you, the least you can do is let me come and see you.

 **[11:43] best boi:** Patroclus will be there.

 **[11:44] Dadinator:** Skops!! How is he? Oh, I might have to go just to say hi to him!!

 **[11:44] Model Mother:** Why? He's not an athlete, nowhere in your league! Why is he allowed to be there while I'm not?

 **[11:45] best boi:** He's the medic, Mom.

 **[11:46] Model Mother:** He hasn't even finished school yet and you trust him to take care of what could very well wind up being a serious injury! I believe there is a law against that and I refuse to allow his law breaking ways to get you in trouble!.

 **[11:46] Dadinator:** Good on him!! Can't believe he's still taking care of you after all these years!!

 **[11:47] best boi:** Mom please

 **[11:48] Model Mother:** I am coming to your game and that is final.

 **[11:48] Dadinator:** I would like to come to at least one of the games, but I understand if you don't want me to Achilles.

 **[11:49] best boi:** Thanks Dad.

 **[11:50] Model Mother:** If you want to go to his game, go to his game. You're the governor and his father. He can't tell you what to do.

 **[11:51] Dadinator:** Well, unlike some people, I choose to respect my son's wishes.

 **[11:52] Model Mother:** I don't have to respect his wishes, I'm his mother.

 **[11:53] Dadinator:** He's not just our son, Thetis, he's a human being. 

**[11:54] Model Mother:** So?

 **[11:55] Dadinator:** Are you serious? Have you ever considered that you might be hurting him?

 **[11:56] Model Mother:** I'm doing what's best for my son and if that just so happens to leave emotional trauma then I'm sorry.

 **[11:57] Dadinator:** I'm just asking you to consider his feelings every now and then.

 **[11:58] Model Mother:** That's rich coming from you, Mr. I went along with an arranged marriage for a year and only agreed to the divorce because I threatened you.

 **[11:59] Dadinator:** Thetis, please.

 **[12:00] Model Mother:** I don't have time for this, my next photo shoot is in a half hour and I haven't even put on any makeup.

**Mountain Bro's**

_**Horse girl** attached (1) image_

**[12:30] Horse girl:** Look at these two squirrels I found on my run this morning! They reminded me of you two! 

**[12:31] sad boi:** Chiron, you are too pure.

 **[12:32] Horse girl:** Your usernames always trouble me, Patroclus. 

**[12:33] best boi:** yes very depressing patroclus

 **[12:34] best boi:** also i love the squirrels

 **[12:35] Horse girl:** (: Thank you, Achilles! I appreciate the compliment.

 **[12:36]** **sad boi:** You're morning run pictures are a blessing, Chiron

 **[12:37] Horse girl:** Thanl you! When should I be expecting another visit from you two?

 **[12:38] best boi:** soon hopefully

 **[12:39] sad boi:** School has been killing us lately

 **[12:40] Horse girl:** I'm sure you two will make it, especially since you two made it through several of my classes.

 **[12:41] sad boi:** Miss you, Chiron

 **[12:42] Horse girl:** Thank you boys.


	8. [03:03] sad boi: for the love of god please go to bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patroclus is tired. Achilles and Briseis are bonding over old vines. We learn that Odysseus is an insomniac.
> 
> \------  
> I should probably put my notes in the notes section but I'm lazy, so let me get my thoughts out please
> 
> I jolted awake last night because I realized that I write Odysseus like how most people write Alexander Hamilton and I don't know how to feel about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username help 
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > fu cough  
> Patroclus > sad boi  
> 

**bad bitches only club**

**[02:43] fu cough:** you know the vine where the kid yells shut up and his mom is like 'did you tell me to shut up' in spanish 

**[02:44] best boi:** yeah lol

 **[02:44] best boi:** i did that to my mom once and she threw a heel at me

 **[02:44] best boi:** then got mad when i dodged and threw the other heel at me

 **[02:45] fu cough:** i have never met your mother achilles and all i really know is that shes a model but she terrifies me 

**[02:46]** **best boi:** as she should

 **[02:47] fu cough:** if you were a vine youd be the 'step the fuck up kyle' one

 **[02:48] best boi:** if you were a vine youd be the 'hahaha ryan' one

 **[02:49] fu cough:** i respect that

 **[02:50] best boi:** and i respect the kyle one

 **[02:51] fu cough:** how do you feel about people saying that tik tok is the new vine

 **[02:52] best boi:** i feel like it has the potential to become the next vine if the people on it started to be original

 **[02:53] fu cough:** oo burn

 **[02:54] best boi:** you asked

 **[02:55] fu cough:** why would you say something so true yet so controversial

 **[02:56] best boi:** i love the two bros chillin in a hot tub vine

 **[02:57] fu cough:** everyone loves that Vine you aint special

 **[02:58] best boi:** i know i aint 

**[02:58] best boi:** it just proves how weird straight people can be

 **[02:59] fu cough:** you need a vine to prove that

 **[03:00] best boi:** no i only need a vine to prove it to other straight people

 **[03:01] fu cough:** fair enough

 **[3:03] sad boi:** for the love of god go to bed

**Odysseus Laertiades > Penelope Laertiades**

**[03:30] Odysseus:** ok I know you're asleep and you won't see this till morning

 **[03:30] Odysseus:** but have you ever thought about how a person year is seven dog years and that would technically mean a human minute is 7 dog minutes and dogs must get really excited when we get back because we were gone for like 7 days to them

 **[03:31] Odysseus:** that is so fucking depressing Penelope I literally might cry 

**[03:31] Odysseus:** ok I won't but still

**[09:12] Penelope:** Love you <3


	9. [09:16] best boi: well i mean its still fucking broken so yeah good ig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Briseis finally gets her way, Iphigenia finally uses the chat, the first official game is scheduled 
> 
> _________  
> I am *this* close to killing my brother I stg  
> Also  
> All the women involved in the Trojan war deserved better and that's the tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username help! 
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > fu cough  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Diomedes > Swiper  
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Menelaus > trophy wife  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Helen > Group Mom  
> Ajax > Lil' A  
> Ajax > Big A

**Sports Team**

**sad boi** added **fu cough** to the chat

 **[09:02] sad boi:** This is my friend Briseis, she begged me to be here

 **[09:02] fu cough:** hi

 **[09:03] at least i tried:** sup

 **[09:03] Swiper:** hola

 **[09:04] Iphigenia:** ayy

 **[09:05] Boomer:** Aren't you supposed to be in school?

 **[09:05] Iphigenia:** I am in school

 **[09:06] Boomer:** But you're on your phone

 **[09:06] Iphigenia:** Doesn't mean I'm not in school

 **[09:07] Boomer:** You shouldn't be texting during school

 **[09:08] Iphigenia:** And you shouldn't be texting while you're at work but I guess that means we're both disapointments to grandpa aren't we

 **[09:10] at least i tried:** shIT

 **[09:11] fu cough:** oof can we get an f in the chat

 **[09:11] best boi:** f

 **[09:11] sad boi:** f

 **[09:12] at least i tried:** f

 **[09:12] Swiper:** f

 **[09:13] trophy wife:** f

 **at least I tried** changed **Iphinegia's** name to **FuckingSavage**

 **[09:14] FuckingSavage:** I will wear this title with pride

 **[09:15] at least i tried:** i'm touched

 **[09:15] FuckingSavage:** How's your nose doing, Achilles

 **[09:16] best boi:** well i mean its still fucking broken so yeah good ig

 **[09:17] trophy wife:** I apologized

 **[09:17] best boi:** and i appreciate that menelaus but still let me be salty

 **[09:18] trophy wife:** understandable have a nice day

**[10:15] Boomer:** I have scheduled our first official game

 **[10:16] at least i tried:** against who?

 **[10:16] Boomer:** The Trojans 

**[10:18] best boi:** you mean like

 **[10:18] best boi:** the condom company

 **[10:19] Boomer:** No not the fucking condom company

 **[10:19] Boomer:** The other Trojans you dumbass

 **[10:20] best boi:** oop

 **[10:21]** **at least i tried:** Achilles will you even be able to play with a broken nose

 **[10:22] best boi:** yeah its just my nose

 **[10:22] best boi:** ive ran races with an almost broken ankle before i can play soccer with a broken nose

 **[10:23] Swiper:** Why would you do that

 **[10:24] best boi:** didnt want to get in trouble

 **[10:25] Boomer:** Okaaay, we'll talk more about this next practice, okay?

 **[10:26] at least i tried:** yessir

 **[10:25] Boomer:** great


	10. A spoonful of memes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't technically an actual chapter because I've had a lot of hw this week but I didn't want to leave y'all hanging so here are a bunch of memes  
> I don't usually respond to comments cause I'm a anxious piece of shit but all of the ones I've gotten are really nice so thanks.  
> Our regularly scheduled programming will be back next chapter but I don't have time to be funny and original rn and I completely understand if you don't read this.

Briseis: You're smiling, did something happen today?

Achilles: I can't smile just because I feel like it?

Patroclus: Agamemnon tripped during practice today

-

Briseis: So what's it like dating Pat?

Achilles: One time I asked him for water when he was pissed at me and he brought me a glass full of ice and said 'wait'.

-

Agamemnon: I'm not doing so well

Agamemnon: I have this headache that comes and goes

Achilles: *enters*

Agamemnon: Oh look there it is again

-

Helen: Why is everyone so obsessed with getting a top or a bottom, I would be glad just to have a bunk bed!

Odysseus:

Diomedes: 

Penelope: I'm gonna tell her

Menelaus: don't you fucking dare

-

Odysseus: Why are Achilles and Patroclus sitting with their backs to each other?

Briseis: They had a fight

Odysseus: then why are they holding hands?

Briseis: they get sad when they fight.

-

Achilles, holding a large box in his hands: What would you say if I came home with a box fully of puppies?

Patroclus:

Patroclus: Achilles

Patroclus: What's in the box

Achilles: I think you know

-

Odysseus at three am, alone with his thoughts: hey there demons

Odysseus: it's me

Odysseus: ya boi 

-

Diomedes: Can you do me a weird favor without asking any questions?

Odysseus: Isn't that the bedrock our friendship is founded upon?

-

Patroclus: Did you hear about that dumbass who tried to fight the squid at the aquarium

Achilles, covered in ink: maybe the squid was being a dick

-

Menelaus: I don't have the energy for this

Agamemnon: For what?

Menelaus: *gestures vaguely*

-

Achilles: From now on we'll be using codenames

Achilles: Deidamia is 'my mom made me do it'

Achilles: Patroclus is 'Currently doing it'

Achilles: Odysseus is 'happened once in a nightmare'

Achilles: Briseis is 'if I was straight'

Achilles: and Agamemnon is

Achilles: Eagle 2

Agamemnon: oh thank fuck

-

Thetis: Have you or a loved one been injured because of my son?

Thetis: Sucks to be you I guess

-

Deidamia: You might have history with Patroclus but you have chemistry with me

Achilles: you already got your schedule

-

Odysseus: It's really muggy out today

Penelope: If I go outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn I'm going to kill you

Odysseus: *sips coffee out of a bowl*

-

Achilles: Who the fuck

Peleus: Language

Achilles: Whom the fuck

Peleus: no-

-

Achilles: I hate when people ask me 'what's the stupidest thing you've ever done'

Achilles: Like bold of you to assume I've reached peak dumbass

-

Achilles: What should I get Dad for his birthday?

Thetis: Medication

-

Chiron: You know, you seem very mature for your age

Patroclus: Thanks it's the truama


	11. [08:15] not a boi: you forgot that achilles is a dumbass pat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Achilles and Patroclus are on their way home for a bit and chaos is bound to follow.
> 
> \-----  
> Most people seemed to like the memes last chapter so that's good cause I liked making em
> 
> I changed some of the chat names and usernames like not in story and that's only because I either did not like them or did not remember them and no I will not tell you which is which. 
> 
> I tried to make this chapter a bit longer to make up for the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames baby!!!
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Boogie woogie
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Penelope > try harder  
> Helen > Group Mom

**bitches be wild**

**[08:13] not a boi:** how long are you guys gonna be gone for again

 **[08:14] sad boi:** a week

 **[08:14] best boi** **:** if nothing goes wrong

 **[08:15]** **not a boi:** you forgot that achilles is a dumbass pat

 **[08:16] sad boi:** No, I know better than anyone that Achilles is a dumbass, but he's my dumbass

 **[08:17] not a boi:** thats

 **[08:17] not a boi:** adorable

 **[08:18] best boi:** no its cheesy i deserve something original

 **[08:19] sad boi:** have you finished packing?

 **[08:20] best boi:** maybe maybe not

 **[08:21] sad boi:** I swear to God Achilles

 **[08:21] best boi:** ok love you bye

**Sports? More like spots**

_**sad boi** _ _attached (1) image_

 **[09:30] sad boi:** We're on the road now! See you all in a week

 **[09:31] Group Mom:** Be safe! Don't text and drive! :)

 **[09:32] Something Witty:** I hope you crash

 **[09:33] Group Mom:** That's horrible :o

 **[09:33] try harder:** Whats wrong with him

 **[09:34] at least i tried:** diomedes showed his mom a picture of everyone on the team and now his mom wants to bang him

 **[09:35] best boi:** im gay and taken i dont want to fuck your mom

 **[09:36] Something Witty:** I DIDNT THINK YOU WANTED TO BONE MY MOM ACHILLES IM JUST UPSET THAT SHE WANTS TO BONE YOU

 **[09:37] Group Mom:** This is a very uncomfortable conversation and I hate to interrupt it but I just want to know who's driving, Achilles or Patroclus?

 **[09:37] best boi:** patroclus is driving he just texted earlier so you all know that we're on our way

 **[09:38] Group Mom:** Okay, good.

 **[09:39] not a boi:** in other news Avatar :The Last Airbender is on Netflix so no one bother me for the next two days

 **[09:40] at least i tried:** that is the first time i've ever seen you use proper grammar 

**[09:41] not a boi:** i only use grammar when it comes to things i respect 

**[09:41]** **at least i tried:** ah makes sense

 **[09:42] Something Witty:** wait Avatar is on netflix?

**Happy Family**

**[10:00] Model Mother:** When will you be here, Achilles? I have a reservation at that restaurant you like to celebrate you being home.

 **[10:00] best boi:** Me and Patroclus are gonna get in at like 11 30. 

**[10:01] Model Mother:** He isn't invited.

 **[10:01] best boi:** You didn't tell me you already had something planned. I thought I was gonna be spending all day at dad's today and going to yours tomorrow.

 **[10:02] Boogie Woogie:** That's what I thought the plan was too.

 **[10:03] Model Mother:** Plans change. Now, I want you to be at my house no later than six, a co-worker of mine and his daughter will be there and I want you to leave a good impression.

 **[10:04] Boogie Woogie:** We've talked about this Thetis.

 **[10:05] Model Mother:** What's so wrong about me wanting to take my son to a nice dinner?

 **[10:06] best boi:** Mom please don't tell me this is gonna be what I think it is.

 **[10:06] Model Mother:** What are you implying?

 **[10:07] best boi:** That you're gonna try and set me up with this girl when you know that I have a boyfriend.

 **[10:08] Model Mother:** Who would ever try to do something so horrible to their own son?

 **[10:08] best boi:** you

 **[10:08] Boogie Woogie:** you

 **[10:09] Model Mother:** I can't believe you two think that I'd do something so horrible! I just thought that Achilles might gain something from having a new friend his own age.

 **[10:10] best boi:** I have friends my own age mom.

 **[10:11] Model Mother:** Really? Are you talking about that Brittany girl? The one that refused to shake my hand? Or are you talking about him.

 **[10:12] best boi:** Briseis

 **[10:13] Model Mother:** Either way, those aren't friends, they're distractions. 'Friends' are people who can get you things

 **[10:14] Boogie Woogie:** I think we've all had enough of this conversation. See you when you get here, Achilles. Tell Skops I said hi.

 **[10:15] best boi:** will do dad.


	12. [19:03] best boi: its official my mother hates me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thetis makes Achilles go to dinner with her coworker and his daughter. Patroclus hangs out with his boyfriends dad. The office bros are bored without their favorite Golden boy. Chaos might ensue
> 
> ___  
> Off topic but it's starting to get hot where I live and I kinda want to like drop dead but don't worry I won't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username help
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Pelides > Boogie Woogie
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > Trophy Wife  
> Iphigenia > FuckingSavage

**bitches be wild**

**_best boi_ ** _has attached (1) image_

 **[19:03] best boi:** its official my mother hates me

 **[19:03] not a boi:** is that a suit

 **[19:04] best boi:** unfortunately

 **[19:04]** **sad boi:** I think you look very handsome

 **[19:05] sad boi:** and your dad says hi

 **[19:06] not a boi:** youre with his dad

 **[19:06] sad boi:** yeah

 **[19:07] best boi:** tell dad i said hi

 **[19:07] sad boi:** will do

 **[19:08] not a boi:** when will you be going to dinner

 **[19:08] best boi:** im literally on the way right now

 **[19:09] sad boi:** We will give you our strength

 **[19:10] not a boi:** and our wisdom

 **[19:11] best boi:** thank

**Sports? More like spots**

**[19:30] Something Witty:** So

 **[19:30] Something Witty:** How's everyone's day going

 **[19:31] at least i tried:** I just ate an entire bag of cheese puffs with while my son 

**[19:32] Boomer:** Bad

 **[19:33] Trophy Wife:** worse

 **[19:34] Something Witty:** oh

**Achilles Pelides > Patroclus Chironides**

**[20:00] Achilles:** patroclus

 **[20:00] Achilles:** patroclus please

 **[20:01] Patroclus:** What happened

 **[20:01] Achilles:** this girl wont leave me alone 

**[20:02] Patroclus:** What girl? 

**[20:02] Achilles:** my moms friends daughter

 **[20:03] Patroclus:** What do you mean she won't leave you alone?

 **[20:03] Achilles:** I mean she clings onto me constantly and keeps flirting with me and she's not getting the hint that I don't swing that way

 **[20:04] Patroclus:** Is she clinging onto you right now?

 **[20:04] Achilles:** No im hiding in the bathroom

 **[20:05] Patroclus:** Is there a window in the bathroom?

**Sports? More like spots**

**[20:17] FuckingSavage:** who chose the new gc name

 **[20:17] FuckingSavage:** it's stupid

 **[20:18] Something Witty:** I thought it was nice

 **[20:18] Boomer:** It's not nice it's stupid

 **[20:19] Something Witty:** I'm starting to see the family resemblance

 **[20:19] FuckingSavage:** stfu

**Achilles Pelides > Patroclus Chironides**

**[20:21] Achilles:** when are you guys gonna be here

 **[20:22] Patroclus:** Your dad just pulled up and we can see the bathroom window just climb out and get in the car

**Thetis Nereid > Peleus Pelides**

**[20:30] Thetis:** Where is Achilles?

 **[20:30] Peleus:** With you

 **[20:30] Peleus:**?

 **[20:31] Thetis:** No, he's not here with me he's gone. I know you know where he is.

 **[20:32] Peleus:** I have no idea where Achilles is. I've been at my house with Skops all night.

 **[20:33] Thetis:** Fine. Be that way.


	13. [08:03] Something Witty: it feels like we haven't talked in over a month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Achilles and Patroclus are enjoying their time at home, Diomedes feels like time is going too slowly, Briseis is angry so she spills some tea.
> 
> Username help
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Boogie Woogie
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > Trophy Wife  
> Iphigenia > FuckingSavage  
> Penelope> try harder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a crazy few weeks on my end of the world but I'm back and I'm better than ever. I recently got a computer so I'm writing this on pc and it's kinda trippy, not gonna lie. I also have a tumblr, I've had it for a few months and I haven't used it too much but I figure that I might as well link it here.
> 
> http://ciipinyomomsdms.tumblr.com/

**Sports? More like spots**

**[08:00] at least i tried:** my son keeps trying to feed our dog his yogurt

 **[08:03] Something Witty:** it feels like we haven't talked in over a month

 **[08:03] at least i tried:** it's only been like two days wtf dio

 **[08:05] Something Witty:** imsorrywhatdidyoujustcallme-

 **[08:03] at least i tried:** dio, like as in diomides

 **[08:06] Something Witty:** I UNDERSTAND THAT BIT I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOURE CALLING ME THAT

 **[08:06] at least i tried:** idk I just kinda thought it was nice, I mean you always complain about not having a nickname so **at least i tried** changed

 **Something Witty's** name to **dio**

 **[08:08] dio:** i-

 **[08:10] try harder:** this was such a heart warming exchange but now im slightly worried about diomedes stealing my husband

 **[08:11] dio:** i dont want him 

**[08:12] at least i tried:** rude

 **[08:13] try harder:** i mean i didnt really want him either but look at us now

 **[08:13] at least i tried:** RUDE

 **[08:14] FuckingSavage:** its too early to be blowing up the gc

 **[08:15] at least i tried:** there's a mute button for a reason

 **[08:16] FuckingSavage:** rude

**Bad Bitches Only**

**[09:03] not a boi:** come home

 **[09:03] best boi:** no

 **[09:03] not a boi:** come home

 **[09:04] sad boi:** sorry bri the answer is still no

 **[09:04] not a boi:** whyyyyy noootttt

 **[09:04] sad boi:** we still have a few days here bri

 **[09:05] not a boi:** fiiiiiiiiiine

**[09:30] not a boi** : achilles did you take my white charger on the trip with you

 **[09:30] best boi** : ... maybe

 **[09:31] not a boi:** achilles my rainbow charger just broke and now i have nothing

 **[09:32} best boi:** im sorry i didnt think youd need it

 **[09:32] not a boi:** i know but im still upset

 **[09:32] not a boi:** i deserve revenge dont you think

 **[09:33] sad boi:** uh oh

 **[09:33] not a boi:** fine

 **[09:34] not a boi:** youre the best :)

**Sports? More Like Spots**

_**not a boi**_ _attached one (1) image_

 **[10:00] not a boi:** enjoy this picture of achilles dressed up as sexy po from the teletubbies from last halloween 

_**at least i tried** _ _took a screenshot_

 **[10:02] at least i tried:** this is going to be on the company christmas card this year


	14. [10:50] Briseis: dont forgive him till hes on his knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Briseis feels betrayed, Penelope is mad at her husband, Iphigenia has an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! Username help !!!
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Boogie Woogie
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > Trophy Wife  
> Iphigenia > FuckingSavage  
> Penelope> try harder  
> Helen > Group Mom

**Sports? More like spots**

**[10:04] not a boi:** i am hurt

 **[10:04] not a boi** : ive been betrayed

 **[10:04] not a boi:** oh woe is me for i have been betrayed

 **[10:06] Group Mom:** Oh no! What's wrong dear?

 **[10:07] not a boi:** pat and achilles had falsely informed me that they would be coming home later today and they have suddenly gone back on that statement and now say they will be back tomorrow instead

 **[10:07] not a boi:** i feel like ceasar after having been stabbed by brutus

 **[10:08] not a boi:** like christ after being betrayed by judas 

**[10:08] FuckingSavage:** i didnt know you could be so petty briseis

 **[10:09] not a boi:** i have many talents iphy

 **[10:10] FuckingSavage:** thats actually one of the best nicknames ive ever been given

 **[10:11] Group Mom:** I must say that I never expected you to be so eloquent either Bri

 **[10:11] not a boi:** again i am a woman of many talents

 **[10:12] Group Mom:** That you are! :)

 **[10:32] not a boi:** okay this may sound weird and i never thought id be asking but where are all the men

 **[10:33] FuckingSavage:** hol' on

**For the Gorls**

**Iphigenia** added **Helen, Briseis, Clymenestra,** and **1 other** to the chat

**[10:35] Iphigenia:** welcome to the gorls froup chat

 **[10:35] Briseis:** okay cool love that uh but

 **[10:36] Briseis:** what does this have to do with the guys being gone?

 **[10:37] Penelope:** because they're all assholes that's why

 **[10:37] Briseis:** op-

 **[10:38] Clymenestra:** God, Pen tell me about it

 **[10:39] Penelope:** I found out that Odysseus had been talking to this girl he had a fling with a few years back

 **[10:40] Briseis:** oh shit im so sorry 

**[10:40] Iphigenia:** kill all men 2020

 **[10:40] Helen:** Oh, honey ):

 **[10:41] Penelope:** I know! I can't believe him! For a man with a mind like his he sure can be a real fucking idiot

 **[10:42] Clymenestra:** I can't wait to rant about this with you over a glass of wine, what was that man thinking?

 **[10:43] Penelope:** I have no idea! His mind goes at a mile a minute and I've gotten used to not being able to keep up with it. 

**[10:44] Helen:** That doesn't excuse his behavior if he had wanted to talk to her so badly then he should have at least talked to you about it.

 **[10:45] Penelope:** I know that, but he doesn't seem to see it that way! He's like 'she was my friend before she had been my girlfriend!' and I said to him 'but she had been your girlfriend at one point and that's all that matters!'

 **[10:46] Briseis:** do you need me to beat him penelope

 **[10:46] Iphigenia:** shes not the only one offering

 **[10:47] Helen:** Girls, I'm sure that Penny appreciates the offer but, I'll make this clear, this is a job for us

 **[10:47] Clymenestra:** I agree one hundred percent Helen

 **[10:48] Penelope:** Thank you girls but I've already given him quite the earful, I've even made him sleep in his office. 

**[10:49] Penelope:** According to my calculations he should be begging for my forgiveness by midweek

 **[10:50] Briseis:** dont forgive him till hes on his knees


	15. [14:09] Menelaus: Doesn't mean we can't try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odysseus still hasn't apologized, Pat and Achilles are back, Menelaus and Agamemnon just want some peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! Username help !!!
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Boogie Woogie
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > Trophy Wife  
> Iphigenia > FuckingSavage  
> Penelope> try harder  
> Helen > Group Mom

**For the Gorls**

**[13:23] Penelope:** its been three days

 **[13:23] Penelope:** THREE FUCKING DAYS

 **[13:24] Penelope:** I'm starting to think I've been overreacting about all this and that I should give in since neither of us seems to be breaking 

**[13:24] Helen:** Don't give up, Pen!

 **[13:25] Clymenestra:** He can't sleep in his office forever

 **[13:26] Briseis:** just gotta stick it out

 **[13:26] Briseis:** hes probably just as close to apologizing as you are

 **[13:27] Penelope:** I think Telemachus can tell something is wrong too he's been weird ever since we started fighting. 

**[13:28] Helen:** Babies are smart like that

 **[13:29] Penelope:** I just hope this is all over soon

**Achilles Pelides > Patroclus Chironides**

**[13:35] Achilles:** is it just me or has everything been kinda weird since we've been back

 **[13:35] Patroclus:** yeah, definitely 

**[13:36] Achilles:** guess we missed some shit

**Agamemnon Atrides > Menelaus Atrides**

**[14:01] Agamemnon:** Has Helen been angry with you too

 **[14:02] Menelaus:** ...

 **[14:02] Menelaus:** possibly.

 **[14:03] Agamemnon:** Good to know because now I know I have to fire Odysseus. 

**[14:04] Menelaus:** Oh, is that why they're mad at us?

 **[14:06] Agamemnon:** Yes

 **[14:07] Menelaus:** So we just get Odysseus to make up with his wifey right?

 **[14:08] Agamemnon:** I don't think Odysseus will be too keen on apologizing

 **[14:09] Menelaus:** Doesn't mean we can't try


	16. [08:54] Hector: SHE IS A HAPPILY MARRIED WOMAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are taking a break from the Penelope/Odysseus drama to bring you a Trojan chapter!
> 
> The trojans discuss some office-related stuff and some non-office-related stuff, Hector and Paris talk about Helen, and chaos does not ensue.  
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Due to my inactivity, y'all get a special chapter. I used the basic characters from the trojan side, here's a link if you want to read up on the characters, you don't have to though. Maybe the next special chapter should be the gods.  
> https://www.naqt.com/you-gotta-know/trojan-war-heroes.html
> 
> All you really need to know is that Priam and Hecuba are married, they have quite a few kids but only a few are mentioned in this (Hector, Paris Cassandra, Laocoon), Hector and Andromache are married, and Aeneas is Aphrodite's son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> = USERNAME HELP =
> 
> Priam > Papa pri  
> Hecuba > mommi dearest  
> Hector > gabe itch  
> Paris > pwettierboi  
> Cassandra > Anita dick  
> Laocoon > Dick Palmer  
> Aeneas > pwettyboi  
> Andromache > perfection

**Best Famly Evr :)**

**[08:31] Papa pri:** Where are you, Paris?

 **[08:36] pwettierboi:** wut

 **[08:36] pwettierboi:** ??

 **[08:37] Papa pri:** You were supposed to be in today, Par.

 **[08:38] gabe itch:** Yeah, you're on the schedule.

 **[08:39] pwettierboi:** stfu hector

 **[08:39] mommi dearest:** Paris please

 **[08:40] pwettierboi:** do i still have to go in

 **[08:41] pwettierboi:** or can i just stay home

 **[08:41] pwettierboi:** i wanna play among us

 **[08:42] Anita dick:** Yes, Paris

 **[08:42] Dick Palmer:** Yes

 **[08:42] gabe itch:** I stg Paris

 **[08:45] pwettierboi:** fine ;( 

**[08:45] pwettierboi:** ill get dressed

**Paris Priamedes > Hector Priamedes**

**[08:45] Paris:** bro

 **[08:45] Paris:** bro

 **[08:46] Paris:** i need some advice

 **[08:48] Hector:** Aren't you supposed to getting ready for work?

 **[08:48] Paris:** please hec its important

 **[08:49] Hector:** Fine, what do you need advice on?

 **[08:49] Paris:** i am in love

 **[08:50] Paris:** with someone who matches me in beauty

 **[08:50] Paris:** and possibly wit

 **[08:50] Hector:** You fall in love at least once a month

 **[08:51] Paris:** THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT!

 **[08:51] Paris:** REALLY HEC

 **[08:51] Hector:** Okay, let's say I believe you.

 **[08:51] Hector:** Who is it?

 **[08:52] Paris:** Helen Atrides

 **[08:52] Hector:**...

 **[08:53] Hector:** Paris 

**[08:53] Hector:** Are you

 **[08:53] Hector:** FUCKING KIDDING ME

 **[08:54] Hector:** SHE IS A HAPPILY MARRIED WOMAN

 **[08:54] Hector:** WITH CHILDREN

 **[08:56] Paris:** ik but that doesnt change how i feel hec

 **[08:56] Paris:** i want to spend the rest of my life with her

 **[08:57] Hector** : Have you exchanged more than five words with her?

 **[08:57] Hector:** Do you actually know anything about her?

 **[08:58] Hector:** Or did you just see her once and think she's pretty?

 **[08:58] Paris:** cmon hec please

 **[08:59] Paris:** just find a way for me to talk to her please

 **[08:59] Paris:** ill prove that were meant to be together please hec

 **[09:00] Hector:** If I do, will you drop this? 

**[09:03] Paris:** yes please i just need to speak to her

 **[09:06] Hector:** Fine.

 **[09:06] Hector:** I'll help you once. 

**[09:07] Hector:** ONCE.

 **[09:07] Hector:** Then no more chances.

 **[09:11] Paris:** thanks hec I owe you one.


	17. [11:18] Diomedes: bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pat and Achilles are tired of the awkward tension in the group, Odysseus reveals some surprising news he learned from his ex, the healing process finally begins
> 
> \-------------  
> October, my favorite month, beat me within an inch of my life but I stood up and spit in its face can't kill me now can it. Anyway, I hope ya'll enjoy the chapter and for those of you living in the US please be safe tomorrow we're living in some scary times.  
> On another note, I'm getting more used to writing on my laptop so hopefully, I fixed the spacing problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! Username help !!!
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Boogie Woogie
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > Trophy Wife  
> Iphigenia > FuckingSavage  
> Penelope> try harder  
> Helen > Group Mom

**Achilles Pelides > Patroclus Chironides**

**[08:05] Achilles:** how many days has it been since we got back

**[08:05] Patroclus:** like 8 or 9, I kind of lost count

**[08:06] Achilles:** and how long has it been since anyone used the gc?

**[08:07] Patroclus:** like 15

**[08:10] Achilles:** we need to do something

**[08:11] Patroclus** I don't think there's anything we can do, Penelope is like really mad at Odysseus.

**[08:13] Achilles:** there has to be smth we can do

**[08:13] Achilles:** seriously patroclus i dont think i can stand this for much longer

**For the Gorls**

**[09:15] Penelope** : I can't believe this it feels like me and my husband are living in two separate houses 

**[09:16] Clymenestra:** I can't believe he's last this long that man worshipped the ground you walk on

**[09:16] Helen:** Hang in there, Pen! It can't be too much longer!

**[09:16] Briseis:** we believe in you ruin his life make him beg

**[09:17] Penelope:** But I'm worried about Telemachus, his first birthday is coming up soon and I don't want to ruin it by being in a fight with his father, not to mention he can probably feel the tension between us and it's affecting his development.

**[09:18] Penelope:** And...

**[09:18] Penelope:** I really miss my husband

**[09:20] Clymenestra:** I know it's hard Pen but you have to make it clear to him that there are boundaries and he has to understand that he's the one in the wrong here.

**[09:20] Clymenestra:** If you let this slide he won't take you seriously in the future when you tell him not to do something

**[09:21] Penelope:** I know he can act childish but he's an adult and I trust that he can be treated as one

**[09:22] Penelope:** He isn't the type to go behind my back and if he texted her then he must have a good reason to

**[09:23] Helen:** Communication is important too and he didn't even try to justify his actions.

**[09:25] Helen:** Good vibes are important for babies, but Telemachus will benefit even more if this experience helps you two learn to work together as a unit.

**[09:26] Penelope** : What if I'm the one who starts the conversation?

**[09:27] Briseis:** you already tried and it didnt help anything

**[09:28] Briseis:** listen im not exactly the luckiest when it comes to love but i know that if he isnt willing to have a serious talk then he isnt ready to be forgiven

**[09:29] Iphigenia:** hang on just a bit more, okay? he'll come around. 

**[09:34] Penelope:** Okay fine, one more week, that's all I think I can take.

**Achilles Pelides > Patroclus Chironides**

**[09:53] Achilles:** maybe we should just ask whats going on because im legit lost

**[09:54] Patroclus:** I mean I am too hun but isn't it kinda weird if we just ask? Like should we ask Bri or something she's been kinda quiet since we got back

**[09:55] Achilles:** true i thought shed be all over us when we got back

**[09:55] Achilles:** do you think something happened between bri and odysseus like they fought or smth because he has been looking like hell recently and we both know bri knows how to ruin lives

**[09:56] Patroclus:** I doubt it, they don't really talk much outside of group activities y'know?

**[09:56] Patroclus:** not a lot of room for fighting

**[09:57] Achilles:** true true

**[09:58] Patroclus:** maybe we should just ask

**Bros against divorce**

**Menelaus** added **Odysseus, Agamemnon, and Diomedes** to the chat.

**[10:14] Menelaus:** Odysseus

**[10:14] Agamemnon:** You need to make up with Penelope

**[10:15] Diomedes:** We are all suffering because of this fight

**[10:18] Odysseus:**...

**[10:18] Odysseus:** Is this a fucking intervention?

**[10:19] Menelaus:** Yes, it is. Everyone has been upset because of whatever's going on and you are being you and refusing to talk to any of us

**[10:20] Diomedes:** We literally know the bare minimum my guy let us help you

**[10:21] Odysseus:** None of you have any idea what's going on how can any of you help me

**[10:23] Diomedes:** Maybe if you actually tried to talk to us we'd be able to do something

**[10:24] Odysseus:** There is literally no way any of you can help me the mess I'm in rn is my own so please let me handle it

**[10:25] Agamemnon:** That's the thing it's not just your mess anymore it's affecting all of us

**[10:26] Menelaus:** Our wives are upset at us because they think we're encouraging you and the tension in the office is unbearable

**[10:27] Diomedes:** You look like you've gone through hell and back and as your friend man we just want to help

**[10:35] Odysseus:** i appreciate the sentiments guys but i cant do anything

**[10:35] Odysseus:** i know this isnt a me problem anymore but this isnt something that can be resolved that easily

**[10:39] Diomedes:** Does Penelope even fully know what's going on?

**[10:42] Odysseus:** I'm trying to save my marriage not destroy 

**[10:43] Menelaus:** Odysseus you didn't

**[10:43] Menelaus:** you didnt cheat did you

**[10:45] Odysseus:** DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT ID CHEAT ON MY WIFE

**[10:47] Menelaus:** I DONT KNOW YOU DONT TELL ME ANYTHING

**[10:50] Odysseus:** WEVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR YEARS YOU SHOULD KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW ID NEVER CHEAT ON MY WIFE

**Sports? More like spots**

**[10:55] best boi:** so this might be like really weird or awkward or something but me and patroclus are genuinely concerned can someone please tell us what happened

**For the Gorls**

**[10:56] Penelope:** DID NOBODY TELL THEM WHAT'S GOING ON

**Bros against Divorce**

**[10:56] Diomedes:** Um did anyone else just get that notification?

**Sports? More like spots**

**[10:58] sad boi:** guys...?

**[10:59] best boi:** did we do smth

**[10:59] best boi:** if we did we are very very sorry and would appreciate someone telling us what we did

**For the Gorls**

**[11:00] Briseis:** i thought menelaus told them or something

**Bros against Divorce**

**[11:00] Menelaus:** what do we tell them? Do we bring them to the chat and explain?

**[11:00] Diomedes:** Ig? this is all really weird.

**[11:01] Odysseus:** No don't invite them

**[11:01] Odysseus:** I think its time I finish this

**[11:01] Odysseus:** I miss my wife

**Sports? More like spots**

**[11:02] at least i tired:** something happened

**[11:02] at least i tried:** and instead of talking to my wife i tried to keep it to myself and keep it out of her life

**[11:03] at least i tried:** because i thought that if i told her our marriage would be ruined

**[11:06] try harder:** odysseus what are you talking about?

**[11:07] at least i tried:** you deserve an explanation and i haven't been willing to give you one but im ready to talk now

**[11:07] at least i tried:** the minute i get home ill tell you everything i swear

**[11:08] try harder:** odysseus I've waited for the truth for two weeks im tried of waiting can you please just tell me whats going on

**[11:15] at least i tried:** two weeks ago i found out that i have a son with another woman

**For the Gorls**

**[11:18] Briseis:** WHAT

**[11:18] Helen:** oh my god pen

**[11:18] Clymenestra:** holy shit

**Bros against Divorce**

**[11:18] Diomedes:** bro

**Penelope** **Laertiades > Odysseus Laertiades**

**[11:18] Penelope:** is that why you were texting her

**[11:18] Penelope:** because you have a secret son

**[11:19] Odysseus:** I swear I didn't know until Circe told me, before then I had completely forgotten about her

**[11:20] Penelope:** how old is he?

**[11:21] Odysseus:** he's gonna be 6 in November 

**[11:22] Penelope:** we've only been together for four years

**[11:22] Penelope:** so you really didnt know

**[11:23] Penelope:** why didnt you tell me

**[11:24] Odysseus:** i didnt know what you would do

**[11:24] Odysseus:** I thought you might leave

**[11:25] Penelope:** why would i leave? You didn't know you had a son, she didn't tell you

**[11:26] Odysseus:** Are you made at me?

**[11:27] Penelope** : a bit, but im also mad at myself. I knew something was going on and I was too focused on ignoring you to try and help.

**[11:28] Odysseus:** You have every right to be mad and you had every right to ignore me don't feel bad

**[11:29] Penelope:** I'm your wife, I should be there for you

**[11:30] Penelope:** and Telemachus should know his big brother

**[11:30] Odysseus:** what?

**[11:31] Penelope:** Thats why you've been coming home late, right? To spend time with your son? That boy deserves to know his father and he deserves to know his little brother

**[11:32] Penelope:** We can set something up with his mother and maybe he can be there for Telemachus' first birthday

**[11:33] Odysseus:** im sorry

**[11:34] Penelope:** I am too

**[11:34] Penelope:** And I want you to tell me if something like this happens again, we're married and that means we're stuck together until torn apart


	18. [12:30] not a boi: me and the boys really do be coming tho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things in the group chat are starting to feel normal again, Odysseus and Penelope start a new chat, your favorite three idiots get into an idiotic argument that has no lasting repercussions this time I swear  
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> I don't have anything funny or witty to write today so sorry if this sucks and lemme know if there's anything you wanna see. Sorry I don't really respond to comments I just got anxiety and never know what to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! Username help !!!
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Boogie Woogie
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > Trophy Wife  
> Iphigenia > FuckingSavage  
> Penelope> try harder  
> Helen > Group Mom

**Sports? More like spots**

**[10:05] best boi:** so um...

 **[10:05] best boi:** do y'all wanna play among us again tn

 **[10:15] Something Witty:** FUCK YEAH AMONG US

 **[10:17] not a boi:** always a yes from me

 **[10:18] FuckingSavage:** omg please please

 **[10:18] FuckingSavage:** I've been playing in public lobbies and everyone's so stupid please

 **[10:19] Trophy Wife:** Sure yeah, me and Helen can join after we get Hermione to bed

 **[10:20] Group Mom:** I'm not very good at the game but yes, me and Mene will definitely be joining later

**Let's Make It Work**

**Odysseus** added **Penelope** and **Circe** to the chat.

**[11:30] Circe:** What is this, Odysseus? 

**[11:31] Odysseus:** Remember the group chat we talked about?

 **[11:31] Odysseus:** Meet my wife

 **[11:32] Penelope:** Hi! 

**[11:32] Circe:** oh

 **[11:33] Circe:** Hi

 **[11:34] Odysseus:** Anyway, all we want is where we can all make plans

 **[11:36] Circe:** Plans?

 **[11:37] Penelope:** Yeah, like we were hoping you and Telegonus would come to Telemachus' birthday party next Saturday!

 **[11:39] Circe:** okay, yeah, we'll be there.

 **[11:39] Circe:** I gotta go now, lunch break is over. 

**Sports? More like spots**

**[12:22] try harder:** How many of you are coming to Telemachus' birthday party?

 **[12:22] best boi:** omg are we all invited?

 **[12:23] try harder:** Of course! 

**[12:24] at least i tried:** i tried to tell her no i swear

 **[12:26] Boomer:** You know me and Clymenestra will be there, Iphigenia too

 **[12:26] FuckingSavage:** I-

 **[12:27] FuckingSavage:** ok

 **[12:27] Group Mom:** Oh! Yes, of course!

 **[12:28] Group Mom:** Hermione loves the baby! She's been asking for a little brother ever since you two had him!

 **[12:30] not a boi:** me and the boys really do be coming tho

**For the Gorls**

**[13:12] Briseis:** can we still use this chat even tho Penelope and odysseus arent fighting?

 **[13:14] Penelope:** Oh yeah, totally. Need a space to get away from the idiots

 **[13:13] Briseis:** sweet

**Bad Bitches Only**

**[16:45] not a boi:** was omw home and I saw at least three houses fully decorated for christmas, even more with just the fucking lights or a wreath what are we coming to

 **[16:47] sad boi:** I actually enjoy all the lights and trees, makes me feel festive

 **[16:48] not a boi:** oh my god 

**[16:48] not a boi:** oh my god pat

 **[16:49] not a boi:** youre one of them

 **[16:50] sad boi:** I-

 **[16:50] sad boi:** I'm sorry?

 **[16:51] not a boi:** damn right you better be sorry achilles what say you

 **[16:52] best boi:** its his only flaw

 **[16:52] best boi:** not even thanksgiving and he already has his tree up i stg

 **[16:54] sad boi:** I'm sorry I just hate thanksgiving

 **[16:55] not a boi:** i mean i do too but i still respect its status as a holiday

 **[16:56] sad boi:** i don't

 **[16:57] best boi:** i will not stand to have a fight in this gc about respecting thanksgiving so can we all just agree to disagree?

 **[16:58] sad boi:** ok yes

 **[17:00] not a boi:** ...

 **[17:00] not a boi:** fine


	19. [14:08] best boi: BIFF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday party preparations, Animal crossing, and a fair share of dumbassery 
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> I want to get another trojan chapter in soon, but I don't know when. I might do another meme chapter soon too because I want to keep updating more often but school and college apps are killing me. ALso, fun fact, this was originally gonna be a twitter fic with the twitter skin because I had trouble getting the skin to work but now that I have a new laptop I might try that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! Username help !!!
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Boogie Woogie
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > Trophy Wife  
> Iphigenia > FuckingSavage  
> Penelope> try harder  
> Helen > Group Mom

**Sports? More like spots**

**[13:12] best boi:** do you want us to do anything for your kids party penelope?

 **[13:15] try harder:** no, I think we're good but thanks for asking hunny

 **[13:16] best boi:** im hunny now not achilles

 **[13:16] best boi:** gonna get it legally changed

 **[13:17] not a boi:** understandable have a nice day

 **[13:18] Something Witty:** this might be an inappropriate question but...

 **[13:19] Something Witty:** is she™ coming to the party?

 **[13:19] at least i tried:** how did you do that over text

 **[13:20] Something Witty:** copy and paste my guy

 **[13:21] try harder:** do you mean circe?

 **[13:21] try harder:** she's coming, and she's actually pretty nice

 **[13:22] try harder:** a bit blunt and kinda closed off but nice

 **[13:23] at least i tried:** she's nice to you

 **[13:23] at least i tried:** she hates me

 **[13:24] best boi:** i mean i hate you too so we might get along

 **[13:24] not a boi:** most people do 

**[13:24] Something Witty:** you can come off as a bit of a dick sometimes bro

 **[13:26] at least i tried:** wo ow

**Let's Make It Work**

**[13:46] Circe:** I feel kinda weird not bringing anything Penelope

 **[13:46] Circe:** Are you sure I can't just bring like cookies or something?

 **[13:47] Penelope:** I'm sure! It's already a pretty big party for a one year old

 **[13:47] Penelope:** if it really bothers you, you can always bring some soda or something

 **[13:48] Circe:** I can do that

 **[13:49] Odysseus:** Should I choose to set out easy board games or hard ones

 **[13:50] Penelope:** I don't think we need board games hun, the birthday boy would probably try to eat anything we play

**Sports? More like spots**

**[14:03] best boi:** question

 **[14:03] best boi:** whats everyone's favorite animal crossing villager

 **[14:04] best boi:** ill go first

 **[14:04] best boi:** tank

 **[14:05] Group Mom:** Bunnie! 

**[14:05] not a boi:** neither of these answers surprise me

 **[14:05] not a boi:** also

 **[14:05] not a boi:** Whitney

 **[14:06] sad boi:** why'd you capitalize her name?

 **[14:06] not a boi:** i respect her

 **[14:06] best boi:** isn't she the fox

 **[14:07] not a boi:** heathen

 **[14:07] at least i tried:**... sally

 **[14:08] Something Witty:** biff

 **[14:08] best boi:** BIFF

 **[14:08] best boi:** FUCKING BIFF

 **[14:09] not a boi:** pat

 **[14:09] not a boi:** pat whats yours

 **[14:10] sad boi:** sherb

 **[14:11] best boi:** adorable pat

 **[14:11] best boi:** unlike BIFF

 **[14:12] Something Witty:** THATS THE POINT

 **[14:12] Something Witty:** HES UGLY

 **[14:13] Something Witty:** I LOVE HIM

 **best boi** changed the chat name to **Biff hate club**


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday parties, Child Brawls, and Chiron, oh my! 
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> !! Username help !!!
> 
> Achilles > best boi  
> Briseis > not a boi  
> Patroclus > sad boi
> 
> Thetis > Model Mother  
> Peleus > Boogie Woogie  
> Chiron > horse gurl
> 
> Odysseus > at least i tried  
> Diomedes > Something Witty  
> Agamemnon > Boomer  
> Menelaus > Trophy Wife  
> Iphigenia > FuckingSavage  
> Penelope> try harder  
> Helen > Group Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed up the layout so my notes are actually in the notes section, I also tried to do something cute with the summary but I'm not sure if it worked.  
> Fun fact: After I wrote the Biff-hate chapter, I got my mom animal crossing one of her first villagers was Biff and ever since then I've felt horribly guilty.  
> I have a Trojan chapter in the works, don't know when I'm gonna post it. I've been feeling a lot more motivated lately so hopefully I can get a few more updates out before I go back into a blanket cocoon. I've also been thinking of actual storylines to weave through the rest of this because I haven't been confident enough to do that very much. Anyway, as always, sorry if this sucks and please comment any ideas you may have. I'm not gonna lie, I don't usually respond to comments but that's because I'm anxious l8r!

**Biff hate club**

**[07:32] try harder:** everyone still good for the party today?

 **[07:32] try harder:** just wanna make sure

 **[07:34] Something Witty:** Ye

 **[07:34] not a boi:** you know it

 **[07:35] not a boi:** tweedle dee and tweedle dum are still coming too

 **[07:36] Something Witty:** ?

 **[07:37] not a boi:** pat and the blonde one

 **[07:37] Something Witty:** o

 **[07:38] at least i tried:** the big ajax is coming but the lil ajax already told us he won't be in town

 **[07:39] Something Witty:** why don't the ajaxs ever like join in on the chat? 

**[07:39] Something Witty:** they're in the chat

 **[07:40] at least i tried:** idk maybe they just arent big talkers ask them if your so curious

 **[07:41] Something Witty:** you're no help

 **[07:41] Something Witty:** :(

 **[07:42] at least i tried:** >:3

 **[07:42] Something Witty:** ;)

 **[07:42] at least i tried:** (;

 **[07:43] try harder:** meet my husband odysseus and this is his boyfriend diomides

 **[07:43] Something Witty:** O//-//O

 **[07:44] at least i tried:** dio im gonna murder you if you ever do that again

 **[07:45] Something Witty:** 0///0 m-muwdew?

 **[07:46] at least i tried:** that's it I'm gonna stab you

 **[07:46] try harder:** you're an artist

 **[07:48] Boomer:** Isn't it a bit early to blow up the gc?

 **[07:49] at least i tried:** gc? omg

 **[07:49] at least i tried:** he's getting younger

 **at least i tried** changed **Boomer's** name to **Gen Xer**

 **[07:49] best boi:** the goal is to reach zoomer

**Achilles Pelides > Patroclus Chironides**

**[12:08] Achilles:** are we early

 **[12:09] Patroclus:** Are you texting me despite being right next to me?

 **[12:09] Achilles:** ye

 **[12:10] Achilles:** answer the question bb

 **[12:10] Patroclus:** no, we aren't early, everyone else is just late.

 **[12:11] Achilles:** do you think briseis knows im texting you

 **[12:12] Patroclus:** no, she's too focused on playing with the baby to notice

 **[12:12] Achilles:** is he still a baby if hes a year old

 **[12:14] Patroclus:** ...

 **[12:14] Patroclus:** yes

**[12:32] Patroclus:** Holy hell is that Circe?

 **[12:32] Achilles:** has to be, never seen her before

 **[12:33] Patroclus:** she looks like a goddess jfc

 **[12:33] Achilles:** ):

 **[12:34] Patroclus:** she doesn't look as good as you don't worry 

**[12:34] Achilles:** <3

 **[12:34] Patroclus:** aw cute

**[13:03] Patroclus:** Why do I hear crying?

**Mountain Bros**

**[14:30] best boi:** chiron chiron chiron chiron

 **[14:30] best boi:** chiron chiron chiron chiron

 **[14:31] sad boi:** Give him a minute

 **[14:33] horse gurl:** Yes, Achilles?

 **[14:35] best boi:** i just saw two five year olds wrestle

 **[14:35] sad boi:** They weren't wrestling, they were actually fighting

 **[14:36] best boi:** fist fighting

 **[14:36] best boi:** t i n y fist fighting

 **[14:40] horse gurl:** You sound very excited about that, Achilles.

 **[14:41] best boi:** it was wild

 **[14:41] sad boi:** We were at a friends kids birthday party

 **[14:42] sad boi:** and this little girl, Hermione, was there

 **[14:43] sad boi:** and she wanted to play with this boy around her age

 **[14:43] sad boi:** the boy said he couldn't, cause she's a girl

 **[14:44] sad boi:** and she proceeded to punch him until he apologized

 **[14:50] horse gurl:** That sounds like a very violent five year old.

 **[14:51] best boi:** she's not usually, trust me

 **[14:51] best boi:** Hermione is usually like adorable

 **[14:53] horse gurl:** Maybe the boy just needed to be punched?

 **[14:54] sad boi:** I think we should be encouraging the kids to use their words before resorting to physical violence

 **[14:55] horse gurl:** Very true, Patroclus. 

**[14:55] best boi:** his mom was pretty chill about it though

 **[14:56] sad boi:** Yeah, that kind of surprised me

 **[14:57] horse gurl:** Well, you two certainly had an exciting day, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> More characters and chats will come in as time goes on  
> Hope you enjoyed it


End file.
